Hold on! Why is everyone suddenly so down on cocaine?
Because it kills puppies, you charlie-addled dog-murderer! Cute little Columbian mountain hounds like Pablo. Dead. Evicerated. And why? All so you can meet targets and get your cheap disco kicks. You wanker. Look:
But, hey, brother - I'm no saint. Pablo is a wake up call to us all. I too had no idea that snorting six grams of mid-grade Bolivian toot up my schnozz would have this kind of bugger's backlash. I give to PAYE to the animal shelter, for christ's sake! I might as well have been pissing it into the eyes of a guide dog, such is my hypocrisy.
I feel sick. A septum flapping like a bleeding letterbox I can handle, but this... This is just too much. Pablo! Oh, Pablo what have we done to thee? I feel the weight of a nation's shame upon my junkie shoulders. And I'd only just recovered from the revelation that downloading movies is an act of social terrorism!
Thank god Heroin's still ok. I need a hit after all this soul-searching.
Right. I'm off to flush my Percy and adopt a stray. Keep th' faith.
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